Operation: Darrell Bell

Back when I ran a magical website called Digital-DJs.com, I had a rant column called The SMART Awards…

• Saskwatch’s (My DJ name. Don’t hate.)
• Most
• Asinine
• Retarded and
• Tragic

I hate bunnies, LOL Cats, and the unemployed

After hearing this story, I felt the need to bring back this dubious honor.  How do you prevent emergency spending for unemployment benefits in a down economy? How do you stand on the floor of the Senate and lecture about what your rights are, when you show utter disregard for the rights (or at the very least – the needs) of the unemployed?  Newsflash, people depend on this money to eat!   Writing this post disgusts me.  I am just getting angrier when I try to explain, so check out CNN to get all of the sorted details.  Meanwhile, back to my rant… Bunning, an Hall of Fame pitcher, is acting like an Hall of Fame A-Hole.  It would be one thing to just give the Democrats a shot, but this guy has pissed off his own party. Here is guy that the Republicans won’t let run again.  I mean, how do get to be so hated that you are asked to leave?

This is a classic example of someone who confuses leadership with being God.

You can’t be serious. Can someone please explain to me how the United States Post Office can post a $3.8 billion loss for fiscal year 2009 (Read More: CNN Money)?  To top it off, they are proposing to cut Saturday deliveries. Well, boo-frickin-hoo.  Have you seen what comes in the snail mail lately? The spam that GMail prevents ends up at my door step.  So please stop delivering to  me samples of body wax and coupons for meat on a stick. Plus, there are too many bills in my mailbox. The Post Office can keep those.  Hopefully, your not having to stop at my house on Saturday, or any other day will help you re-coup that $3.8 billion (with a “B”) that you lost.

You don't want to know where "Harpo's" hand is.

All (well most) sarcasm aside, we are in a new day.  Truthfully, why harass me with your “bills”, when you can just flood my e-mail or send a torrent of “now due” fury as SMS messages (*gives AT&T the side-eye*)? Grandma has a computer and can spell Facebook, damnit! We as a populous no longer needs to bore our family members with physical pictures and hand written letters. You will take this status update, and hug on it like Oprah does with Gayle.  Besides, if I need something really important delivered to me, like my Amazon “pr0n”, do you think I would trust it to the Postal Service? Hell to the no, on UPS it must go!

Fish is still my favorite dish.

Unfortunately, we just feed into this need for instant gratification, and waiting for anything is for suckers. This is the ultimate glitch in the Matrix, and explains why everything is online now. The need to touch things in the physical world (including women) is coming to an end. I almost feel sorry for the ancient institutions like the Postal Service.  It was actually pretty cool how you can put a copy of Field & Stream in the mail today, and have it show up at its destination a day or two later.  It was magic. I thought… I could hold a fish in my hand… well, kinda… I mean paper, is better than a screen, right? The  USPS, like the print industry that depends on it, is going to die.  This is not a problem where raising the price of a stamp is going to fix it.  They need to privatize and become UPS, Jr. (read: DHL)

With all of my snark, I know it is hard to take what I write seriously; however, I do want to give a shoutout to the men and women who might lose their jobs.  Part of the Postal Service’s plan to “get money” is to close branches. I hope it all turns out well for these individual who make sure my mortgage company gets their check… wait, I pay that online, but you get the point.

Biggie says, "Don't get mad, UPS is hiring - hopefully."